Five days since Iapos;ve had any email or IM, and probably a week without actually talking. She let me down so badly, I wish I could just be bummed about being single, and not have to deal with the fact she probably is still talking to that dead-beat and that she isnapos;t the good person I thought she was, and this wonapos;t be the last let-down from her.
She use to belittle me about a girl I hooked up with in Europe, just kissed mind you, while I was single, saying things if you think sheapos;s pretty then what am I? Well I guess that doesnapos;t go through her mind otherwise. She is wild, and I loved and hated it about her, but now with everything thats happened and everything she said she thought of our relationship, this summer, and me, she is less beautiful to me for it. You wonder what is an act and what lines she isnapos;t willing to cross. Somehow shredapos;s of my feelings survived what sheapos;s done. I wish they hadnapos;t, because the fact that I care how sheapos;s doing, and still have to wonder constantly about 3 years of my life and now what my futures going to be like (and if iapos;ve ruined one of my best shots of happiness, with a girl I really cared for) haunts me always. I donapos;t know whatapos;s next. Iapos;ve lost a lot of my confidence, I am alone, and wish that I was more normal. This is far too much for me to handle, and Iapos;m hoping I can get myself out of this mess, but like that stupid song keeps reminding me.
"I am the patron saint of lost causes."
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